


Like Butterflies

by Sumatra



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 08:50:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4385558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumatra/pseuds/Sumatra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wishes he could take it back. In retrospect, he should have noticed the look on her face, the shift in her voice - the way she wouldn't meet his eyes afterwards.<br/>But once he'd said it, he couldn't stop himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Butterflies

1

At the time, it seemed like a deep and poetic thing to say. The kind of thing that, when you're fourteen, you imagine reveals a deep and meaningful philosophy on life.

He realises now that all it did was make him look like a twat.

He wishes he could take it back. In retrospect, he should have noticed the look on her face, the shift in her voice - the way she wouldn't meet his eyes afterwards.

But once he'd said it, he couldn't stop himself.

 

2

"You should get skype," said Beatrice. "I'll give you my username if you want. We could perfect all our impressions."

"I don't know if my parents would let me..." said Ben, who honestly wasn't sure what Skype involved.

"We have to talk to each other some way," said Beatrice. "Otherwise we won't see each other for a whole year. That's not proper friendship."

Ben felt suddenly uncomfortable. The thought of talking to her all the time was both the best thing he could think of and the scariest. What if she got bored of him before next summer? What if she met someone, a boy someone, and he had to hear all about it? The possibilities for disaster were endless.

"Yeah but..." he panicked, "friendships are like butterflies, they die in three days."

There was a long silence.

"They die in three days," Beatrice spoke slowly. "What does that mean?"

"I mean, what's the point of trying to keep in touch? What happens happens."

"And what happens?"

"People change. Things change. How do you even know if you want to be friends with someone? Maybe you get to know them a bit better and you realise you don't actually like them so much. Maybe it's better to know someone a little bit and like them, before you get to know them better and eventually start hating them."

"That makes no sense." She sounded angry.

"Yeah, well. You can't rely on anyone too much. You've got to look after yourself, be happy on your own." He had no idea what he was saying, but he could feel her getting angrier and angrier. "You know, people need to take a break sometimes, or they'd suffocate."

"People need a break?"

"Right. You know what I'm saying?"

She wouldn't look at him. "I know exactly what you're saying."

 

3

She started avoiding him after that.

He knew he'd pissed her off but he didn't know why. He'd said some stupid stuff - honestly he'd sort of blacked out a bit - but surely it wasn't that bad?

 

4

Pedro was his first ever friend. He's never told anybody that, not even Beatrice.

They met on his first day in Auckland. Pedro had that kind of understated natural confidence that Ben had always wanted. It made it easier for him to be himself - he didn't really have a choice. You can't fool real confidence with bravado.

 

5

He could tell his parents expected him to be angry. They tiptoed around him for weeks, convinced that he was bottling it all up, ready to explode any minute.

The truth was far more pathetic: he really didn't care.

Ok, moving halfway across the world was kind of a big deal. He would miss things about England, probably - although he didn't know enough about New Zealand to be sure exactly what he was giving up.

As for the rest, Ben didn't really have friends to miss, or even say goodbye to.

Sure, he had acquaintances. Nobody hated him (to his knowledge). But his experience of friendship had been fleeting.

People liked him at first. He was loud, confident, funny. For three days, he'd have a friend - they'd go to each others houses and pair up in class.

After that, people got bored. Maybe he was too loud, trying too hard to be more confident than he felt. He could be bossy. Opinionated. Whatever it was, it scared people off.

He tried not to think too hard about what would happen when he got to Auckland.

 

6

Beatrice was cool but she was also more insecure than she let on.

They had that in common.

They had a lot of other things in common. They spent the summer sharing things they'd never told anyone else, because both somehow knew the other one would understand.

He realises now that he started being in love with her.

He thinks maybe he never stopped.

 

7

He had to fuck it up.

He was scared that she was like the rest of them. One day he would annoy her too much and she would leave him.

He fucked it up, and she left him, and he swore he would never trust relationships again.

 

8

Pedro stayed.

He didn't know why this popular guy, who could be friends with anyone he wanted to, wanted to be friends with him.

Instead, Balthazar and Claudio came along and suddenly he was a person with friends and technically popular and maybe there wasn't anything wrong with him after all?

 

9

He didn't tell anyone but he missed Beatrice.

 

10

Pedro found him after school.

"She's moving to Auckland?"

"Who?"

"Your arch nemesis."

"Oh."

 

11

He sees the way she looks at him and he wishes he could take it back, now he knows.

He doesn't say anything.

He watches her out of the corner of his eye because he can't help himself.

He sees the looks Pedro gives him, the looks everyone is giving him.

He avoids her like she avoids him.

 

12

Hero's party is awful and it makes him question friendship all over again.

Mostly, though, he just misses her.

 

13

"I was wrong."

"About what?"

"Butterflies. I looked it up. They live for at least a week, sometimes for a year."

She gives him a strange look, unsure what he's saying, but it's only a second before he sees her remember.

"You have a strange way of saying sorry." She's smiling.

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> This feels a little bit all over the place, but I wanted to write something Ben-focused because he's one of my favourite characters and I haven't seen a lot of stuff that focuses on him. Hope you like!


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